I never thought I had self-esteem issues until a read the story of a man who had the patience to wait.

He’s a follower of Jesus Christ. His whole spirit has been committed to it for quite a while. When he talked of what he knew, incredibly blessing flowed with his words. God blessed his actions. He knew it. He was thankful for it. He said so to God every single day.

Lately, he heard of his friends in a different country. The reports of their faith were being told to the whole world. Saying that he desperately wanted to visit them would be an understatement. He yearned to impart and share with them some spiritual gift to strengthen and establish them. Still, every attempt to travel there had been hindered. Every plan that had been made had been prevented. He pleaded with God that somehow by His will he would proposer and see them.

I thought about him. I thought about his prayers to God. They were nothing like mine would be. I would be saying things like this.
“God, do you really want me to go there?”
“God, maybe my words aren’t as good as I think.”
“God, maybe I can’t help them.”
“God, you’re right. I’m no good to them. I really shouldn’t go.”
“God, are you trying to stop me from going there so I don’t hurt them?”
And, the list would go on.

My thoughts would be filled with doubt, fear, and self-esteem issues. I would doubt my calling. I would believe that God is saying no.

Yet, that’s not what Paul said in Romans 1:11-13, “For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. I do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that I have often intended to come to you (but thus far have been prevented), in order that I may reap some harvest among you as well as among the rest of the Gentiles.”

Paul wasn’t doubting his calling like I would have done. Paul knew that they could and would build each other’s faith up. He also knew that he would be able to honor God through showing God to the people there. See Romans 1: 1-16.

Paul had the confidence and self-esteem to know that he could honor God through his actions. He also had the grace and peace and patience to wait for the opportunities as God presented them. Paul knew to wait on God.

Psalm 139:7-10 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Sunet Over the Dead Sea from the Glow Bible.
Psalm 139:7-10
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

When I have a skill to offer, a skill that I’m good at, a skill that can really help other people, do I have enough self-esteem to wait on the Lord to share it? Or do I force the issue, which invariably causes more issues.

When people cut me off on the road and disrespect me, do I get mad?

When someone speaks a cruel words to me, do I get depressed?

When I fail, do I tear myself down?

For me, all these issues relate to self-esteem problems. Then, I prayed to God about it. That’s when God showed me many verses on self-esteem. Now I read them out loud, daily.

Psalms 139:13-15, “13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.”

Jeremiah 29:11, “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Titus 3:5, ” 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit”

Luke 12:6-7, ” 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

1 Corinthians 10:13, ” 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

There are so many more.

God, please help me to believe who You say that I am.
God, please teach me how to ever increase my trust in You.
God, please help me to look to you daily for my self-esteem.

The Song of My Heart

A mystery in the night, something pulls at my heart.
Sensed on the tip of my tongue, but unknown to my mind.
The song moves slowly on.

My stomach begins to roll and the heat begins to rise.
Where should I go when life is slowing down?
I look up to see pictures of people going crazy happy at an event.
Where is that in me?
Where is my mark on the world?
The song is slowing down.

I’m ashamed of what I’ve become.
I sat there and let life pass me by.
All of the grand schemes that I dreamed of,
All the spectacular plans that I laid out,
Are still lying there untouched.
I never took the time to try them out.
The time is getting late and the song is almost stopped.

What am I to do now?
Perhaps I should just sit back and watch some more TV.
I cannot hear my song.

Something bursts and I shoot right up.
I can’t lie down. I can’t give up.
Never lie down! Never surrender!
My song has not yet stopped!

What is the calling of my heart?
I’ve hated so much, I will show love.
I’ve judged so much, I will forgive.
I’ve attacked my neighbors, I’ve make it right.
I’ve ignored my family, I’ll give my time.
My song has not yet stopped!

Breath deep now and hear my song.
Breath deep now and answer my calling.
Stand up and take that risk.
God has given me a wonderful gift.
Stand up and discover His miracles.
Stand up and make my dreams a reality.
My song is loud and clear.

I’ve found that crazy happy event.
I’ve answered the calling of my heart.
And God was there to light the way for me.