Panicked and stressed and filled with fear, I could not sleep last night.
The sleep was light and not quite right and really angered me.
They need a decision about my choices and I have nothing to say.
The adrenaline rush is over the top and it’s tearing me apart.
What should I do? Where should I go? Who can I ask for help?
I cannot think. I cannot plan and really don’t want to go.
I just got a call when I entered the hall. They really want to talk.
They have a hunch if we meet for lunch that I will make up my mind.
They made their pitch that it’s perfect for me and I should give it a try.
Now I’m standing here among these tress in a peaceful and brilliant school.
It’s now my home for years to come and I think that I should back out.
Why am I here? What have I done? Okay, it’s time for class.
I take my seat in the back of the room and stare at the gray-haired man.
He is the teacher. He has a scowl. And he’s filled with an evil glee.
“Who are the Christians seated here? It’s you I want to view.
My class has molded all the best and you cannot compare.
You are the worst, face the truth, you are nothing but a snare.
You must leave now! You need to flee! Just get away from me!”
My pulse beat fast and I crossed my arms and I inhaled through tightly clenched teeth.
My anger felt good as it filled up my head and it chased my logic away.
The teacher asked me to talk to the class, but I had nothing to say.
Then he looked right at me with an evil scowl, “go and join the zoo.”
His words rang loud and very harsh and made my emotions churn.
My rage burned hot, but I held my tongue until the end of school.
I schemed and I scowled and considered my plans for a dark and dire revenge.
I pounded my fists and pounded my words and pounded around my house.
Nothing was good. Nothing was right. I wanted to make him pay.
What could I do to make him feel excruciating pain?
My strength built up and senses sharpened and my pain just fed my hate.
I should have looked in the bathroom mirror and seen that I belonged in a cage.
My doorbell rang and I cursed out loud as I threw the door wide open.
A beautiful Angel with large brown eyes stood there in front of me.
Musical words floated through the air as I was enveloped in a hug.
“Am I Late? You look so cross. Are you still that mad at him?
I heard what happened. We could write a book about all his ludicrous words.
Don’t worry at all. You’ve nothing to fear. Let’s go and grab some pizza.”
Fools vent their wrath, but the wise hold their tongues. Guess what decision I made.
The plans called for pizza and studying too, and watching a football game.
But me and my brain couldn’t bear a refrain and I let loose a volley of rage.
“So you think I’m a jerk, and a simpleton too, to believe in the one true God?
I’m stupid and slow, or so you say. You really are meaner then him!
You couldn’t care a less. You think I’m a pest. You certainly don’t care about me!”
My eyes spat hatred and my lines were all mean and my words flowed endless on.
Her eyes stopped dancing and shoulders fell down as her countenance turned to sad.
She stood quite still and carefully watched and waited for a special phrase.
She waited and prayed as she battled her tongue and her walls came silently up.
I finally stopped talking and spewing my fire and she silently trudged away.
I fumed and I raged and I stomped back and forth and I violently slammed the door.
I sought out the couch and the controller too as I flipped through hundreds of shows.
The professors words, that were dripping with hate, played over and over to me.
I want to yell! I want to scream! Why did this happen to me?
It is not right. It is not fair. Why can’t this just be a dream.
I wish I could run. I wish I could hide. But the problems will not go away.
There’s nothing to do and there’s nowhere to go. Man am I really stuck.
I saw that letter that brought me here shoved inside one of my books.
And I heard her voice with her beautiful words encouraging me to go.
It lit up the fuse to another rage and I bounded right off of my couch.
How could I have been so stupid and dumb? She lured me into this place!
I did nothing to her to deserve this blow. She hit me below the belt.
I picked up my keys and stomped out the door and hurried after her.
It didn’t take long to find where she’d gone and I sat myself right down.
She said not a word and did not look up. She only picked at her pizza.
I glared a mean glare and I huffed an grim huff, “Pay attention to me!
Your shallow and mean and you planned the big scene for what the professor said!
Now you better look up and face the hard facts and tell me NOW you’re sorry!”
I waited and scowled and I jabbed and I jawed. Why isn’t she talking to me?
An eternity went by and she finally spoke out with an incredibly soft reply.
“You know your just mad because that is you. You really like being mad.
You’re yelling and venting and insulting too, but who will feed your rage.
You manipulate me to make me contrite. You want to draw me in.
I’m sorry to say, that’s not what I do. I’m not going to satisfy that.
You really should know, it’s easy to see, your temper kills your friends.”
Her reply was so soft with no hint of rage. It stopped me dead in my tracks.
Wasn’t she wrong? She really hurt me. She should apologize.
Then I recalled a very old phrase that I’d forgotten about.
“I yell and I’m wrong, no matter the storm, no matter how right I am.”
I heaved a big sigh and my anger turned in and now I’m very depressed.
“I’m always so wrong. You always say that. There’s nothing that I can do right.”
She looked right at me with compassion and strength and touched my very soul.
“Look what you do. Look what you say. Do you think that it’s going to help?
Your anger’s not wrong. The professor is mean and he has to live with himself.
But think about this, if anger’s not wrong, what good can be made with it?
With anger comes fuel to make a new choice. That’s what’s matters to you.
You choose to do right or you choose to do wrong. You will create or destroy.”
If you choose some revenge then choose to destroy and his attitude only gets worse.
You think he’s bad now, but this you should know. You should see him right after a fight!
If you yell then you lose.That’s just like revenge. And whining is only a curse.
Yet looking at you, you’ve chosen revenge, but I have a better way out.”
Anger shows chances to make something right or to make something wrong turn good.
Rebellion I say is the card you should play, a rebellion in the classroom.
I thought her insane and I thought she was nuts, but still I did hear her out.
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of what’s right, only fools insist on yelling.
The wise always know, you must be in control, and overlook wrongs when you can.”
She made perfect sense with a plan that she hatched. It never did cross my mind.
I went back to class and sat right in front, and beamed an enormous smile.
For the rest of the year, I smiled at his pain, because all my grades were As.